Alcoholism is a disease and its side effects are not only physical but also social. An alcoholic spouse is a danger and a disappointment to their sober spouse. This is because alcohol turns a person in to stone whereby they are insensitive to everyone’s feelings.
Alcohol addiction is a clear example of what I call a Love Buster because it causes so much suffering in marriage. Besides being physically and emotionally harmful to alcoholics themselves, addiction is also harmful to those whose lives touch them. Addiction makes people insensitive to the feelings of those who care most for them, and they will stop at nothing to feed their addiction. I am witness to many people whose lives have been ruined because they married alcoholics.
Alcoholics commonly engage in their most painful habits while under the influence. Acts of infidelity are common. The fact that he or she is drunk at the time is no consolation to a grief-stricken spouse.
Women often suffer cruel physical and emotional abuse from their alcoholic husbands. Even when he is not overtly abusive, he’s often disgusting in the way he talks and behaves when he’s drunk.
It is not only the spouse to an alcoholic who suffers but even the children. What these kids go through can only be summarized as trauma. These children are more prone to neglect, sexual and physical abuse. All these haunt them till adulthood.
For the children of alcoholics, there are many experiences from childhood that can be described as traumatic. Trauma means going through something that is extremely painful and distressing emotionally and it often leaves someone overwhelmed and unable to cope. It may be one severe incident, or a series of painful instances. The latter is not unusual for people who had the misfortune of growing up with an alcoholic for a parent. That childhood trauma can reach well into adulthood and can reverberate throughout a person’s life.
Having an alcoholic parent may mean being neglected. Even worse, children of alcoholics are more susceptible to emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Beyond this, the home life of a family with an alcoholic parent is often chaotic, inconsistent, lacking in rules and boundaries, and often argumentative and violent. Having an alcoholic parent may be embarrassing. Children of alcoholics often learn to be secretive and to keep friends away out of shame. The repercussions of all these impacts can lead to real trauma.
If you sense that the well-being of your children is in danger then there is no other option but to leave. This is especially when the alcoholic spouse is violent and hurling words on insult.
At a certain point, you have to look out for your own well-being, and the well-being of your children – especially the well-being of your children.
Most people don’t see leaving as an option. Obviously you shouldn’t consider leaving the second you realize “my husband is an alcoholic”, but at some point it becomes the only right choice. You may not be at this stage yet, but do know that this is an option that you may one day have to take in order to protect yourself and your children.
If your husband is getting physical or violent, even if he hasn’t hit you or the kids (yet), then its time to leave. Perhaps its just temporary, or perhaps you should be hitting the road and never looking back, but you definitely need to remove yourself and your kids from the threat of physical harm.